Will you spot me

Top funny video

A bikini is an outfit

A bikini is an outfit where 90% of a woman's body is exposed.

The amazing fact is that men are so decent, they only look at the 10% that isn't.

The perfect crime

I committed the perfect crime: I put a mime artist in an airtight glass box.

Nobody suspected a thing.

judge just gave me life

The judge just gave me life in an Ethiopian prison...

I should be out in three days.

The police got me a

The police got me a really big bouncy castle for my birthday.

All I had to do was stand on a ledge outside my office.

Top and bottom biscuit

Have you noticed how the top and bottom biscuit in the packet are always broken?

I don't know why they bother putting them in.     

Wayne Rooney

Wayne Rooney has visited Fabrice Muamba in hospital.

"It's great, he can almost string a sentence together" said Fabrice

Fastest f1 pit stop

Horny Durex balloons

my sexy neighbour

I popped my head over my sexy neighbour's fence today to see her lying in her bikini.

"Wow, you're gorgeous!" I burst out, "I hope you know how to do CPR."

"Why?" she asked with a giggle, "Because I've taken your breath away?"

"No," I replied. "I've just run your son over out front."

Dumbo the flying dog

Goldfish joke

I took my sons goldfish to the vet today but it died just before we got there.

I knew I should have put some air holes in the cardboard box.

you're on a Segway

I saw a woman walking alone in the street last night so I stopped beside her.

I said, "Can I give you a lift home?"

"No thanks, I'd rather walk" she replied.

"Is it because I'm a stranger?" I asked.

She said, "No, it's because you're on a Segway."

New York from the air

booze talking

I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a police woman she looked fit.

Although things went sour when I said, "And that's not just the booze talking either"

Top joke

My girlfriend can never make up her mind. I bought her a lovely gift for her birthday, but then she tells me that we should be saving and that she doesn't want a present. Now she's decided she would like a present after all. How do you undrown a puppy?

One angry little pouch

Ouch !!!

International Women's Day

Today is International Women's Day. 
It was actually supposed to be held yesterday but they took too long to get ready.