Joke

I try to masturbate once a day for the health benefits.

The other four times are just for me.

Good joke

My missus dressed up as a police woman last night and giggled, "You're being charged with being good in bed..."

After two minutes she said she was dropping the charge due to lack of evidence.

phone sex

Just click here and you can get your $10 to easy

Wife

My wife said she's going to leave me in seven days if I don't stop wrongly quoting tv catchphrases.

Challenge...

Wait for it!

Accepted!

Football

74 killed in Egyptian football match.

Come on Millwall fans, you can best that number!

Very funny cat

Kids

I smoke far too many cigarettes these days and it's affecting the kids' health, so I'm giving them up.

Anyone recommend a decent adoption agency?