Jokes and Loads More: January 2012

Monday, 30 January 2012

Nice

Who will take the second shot in this snooker game?

Find out after the break.

so true

Just seen the headline: Women are better parkers than men.

That's nosey parkers, right?

Arrested

What do you get if you cross a primary school playground with a bag of sweets?

Arrested.

Survey

Nobody likes surveys.

I don't know how I know that.

Sinking ship

What's the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship?

Follow the Captain.

music joke

If we all end up going to jail for downloading music, I at least hope they separate us by music genre.

Saturday, 28 January 2012

Top Line

I went to the hospital today for swallowing too much concrete dust...

I almost shit a brick

a man goes into a pub orders his drink and spots two nice looking women sat at a table chatting. he says to the barman"i think il try my luck with those two tonight dave" the barman replied"you've got no chance mate their both lesbians". so he pick his beer up walked over to the table sat himself down and said"so what part of lesbania do you two come from then".

Very funny

Dog tease

This is fast becoming one of the must have free apps View Ads on Phone and get paid http://bit.ly/v3en2n !!!

great video

Funny take a look http://youtu.be/KLeJgzHFmoY

good line

As a suicidal maniac I like to live life on the edge

gives you a smile

I was talking to this holocaust surviver, she was really interesting and I wanted to know more.

So I asked her for her number.

joke

My mum was part of a gang and was always in trouble with the law. Some nights she'd come home from a "job" - she's black, it's not a real one, don't worry - and she'd just start swearing at me. But even as she called me a piece of shit or told me to fuck off, one thing she never really understood was the irony of calling me a son of a bitch.

Shame really, because she's actually the mum of a snitch and is now serving 8 years

funny

I was once asked if I had any African in me. Being white I replied "no of course not" it was then I was gang raped in the prison showers.

sounds like it would happern to

This really fit blonde from work asked me if i was doing anything at lunch. I said no and she wanted to come have lunch with me. During lunch I admitted i had a crush on her from the beginning.

She admitted she had forgot her purse at home and was starving.